Lutheran Denomination Starts “Worship Tattoo” Program

The Church Back Door

Clarksdale, MS-- The Lutheran but Always Friendly Synod (LAFS) voted 3-2 in convention today to begin a “Worship Tattoo” program. The small denomination based in Alligator, Mississippi is meeting in convention through October 15.

The small and tasteful tattoos would be applied to the thumbs of each church member to help them navigate the new liturgical worship orders. The tattoos will serve as a “key” to worship order abbreviations and will be visible as church members hold hymnals and worship bulletins.

Synod president, Rex P.L.W. Stuckworsch, commented:

Church members have been showing signs of verbal stumbling as we worship, so we wanted to help make worship more user friendly. The tattoos will be simple: If “P” and “C” are together in a worship service, the “P” will stand for Pastor and the “C” will stand for Congregation. If “P” is printed with an “L,” the “P” will stand for People and the “L” will stand for Liturgist. If a “C” is combined with the “L” and the “P,” the “C” stands for Celebrant. If and “L” appears in the context of an elder helping at worship, the “L” stands for Leader. An “A” may stand for Assistant or All, but usually All is spelled out completely. Clearly, this is a helpful tool for our worshipers. In addition, we believe the tattoos will attract more young people to our churches because tattoos are really in style these days--and we’re going to be using a cool Gothic font!

President Stuckworsch followed his comments by quickly giving an enthusiastic “thumbs up” sign to display his newly inscribed thumbs complete with gothic lettering.

In another development, the Handbell Musicians of America, debuted new Worship Key-coded Handbell Gloves at a convention display booth.

Lutheran Denomination Endorses Model T

The Church Back Door

Clarksdale, MS-- The Lutheran but Always Friendly Synod (LAFS) voted 3-2 in convention today to endorse the Ford Model T as the preferred mode of transportation for both clergy and laity. The small denomination based in Alligator, Mississippi is meeting in convention through October 15.

With the bold move of a recent name change, convention observers (that’s me, your diligent reporter; there really were no other observers) were shocked at what seemed to be a backward move. Synod president, Rex P.L.W. Stuckworsch, commented:

"Our denomination values the legacy of time-tested transportation. The Model T was foundational in the development and growth of the automobile industry. One might say that the Model T is the 'true mode of transportation' for drivers both past and present. Recent cultural developments in the auto industry promote an 'entertainment' mentality for drivers and a lightweight approach to hitting the roads. Car communication systems, radios, and even glass windows show that drivers are watering down the truth of what an automobile was meant to be. We’re opposed to the departure from an historic approach to driving practice and spirit."

When asked about how the church members might respond to this vote--especially younger people, Stuckworsch replied:

"Three of the five delegates to the convention have operational Model Ts in their barns at the present time. One delegate is close to getting his running. We anticipate a seamless transition. We’ll also be offering classes and conferences that teach the sound conduct of Model T driving. Under the theme “Maintenance Together,” we’ll have breakout sessions on how to operate a crank start mechanism, folding window flaps quickly and efficiently, and a fun session called 'To Rumble or Not to Rumble: Facing the Rumble Seat Decision.' We believe these events will show young people that serious and true driving still exists. I have no doubt that serious and true young people will participate with joy."

After the vote, LAFS commissioned its publishing house (Alligator Press) to produce a new instructional and service manual for all Model T vehicles. It will be called the Lutheran Transportation Service Book (LTSB).

The Church Back Door 1

Lutheran Denomination Changes its Name

Clarksdale, MS-- A small and little known branch of the Lutheran Church based in Alligator, Mississippi recently changed its denominational name as it met in convention at Abe’s Bar-B-Q in Clarksdale. In its first order of business, The Lutheran Church Pret’ner only in Mississippi Synod (LCPMS) voted 3-2 to change its name to The Lutheran Always Friendly Synod (LAFS) to simplify its name and create a welcoming environment for newcomers.

Synod president, Rex P.L.W. Stuckworsch, commented: “The LCPMS name was confusing people and seemed to be limiting the accessibility of our fine organization. We believe the new name will open the door to new participation as well as continue our legacy for the theology we proudly study.”

The convention continues through October 15 and promises many new initiatives for this little Lutheran group. While consisting of only three congregations, the newly named LAFS takes pride in its enduring history and its active work to preserve the once thought lost Amalia, one of the five ships that departed Europe in 1839 with Saxon immigrants led by Rev. Martin Stephan. The group sought religious freedom. According to LAFS history, the Amalia arrived in New Orleans much later than the other four ships in its group. Some of the 60 Saxons on board made their way up the Mississippi River, but after tiring early and falling into a dispute over leadership and governance, settled in the small town of Alligator.