Monday, November 12, 2012

Sports Fans Resist New Cheers

The Church Back Door



Chicago, IL - Fans of the Chicago Bulls are up in arms in the Windy City as new fans try to take over their team-rooting territory. Veteran Bulls fan, Joe Strpnkshewski, spoke to the Back Door about how traditional fans are being invaded:

“We’ve got a bunch of Starbucks drinking, iPad carrying, Sperry wearing people coming into our stadium these days and they don’t know the routine. They stand when you’re supposed to sit. They sit when you’re supposed to stand. They don’t know the cheers and don’t follow along like they’re supposed to. It’s a disruption! Who every heard of a person pulling up their ‘Bulls App’ when they’re supposed to be shouting the “Go Bulls!” chant? Whoever heard of talking to your neighbor when the PA announcer is giving the player stats? These people don’t value tradition. We don’t need them here.”

The Bulls ownership is taking these complaints very seriously. A statement from the Bulls’ front office indicated that the traditional/contemporary debate among fans has had a detrimental effect on the games. Some players have even noticed that more fans seem to be focused on the style of cheering they like than on the game itself. After a powerful slam dunk in a Bulls’ last second victory last week, fans were so distracted, they didn’t even acknowledge the heroic comeback of their team.

A new fan, asking to remain anonymous, commented: “Change is inevitable. Are we there to watch a game or to find comfort in our style of cheering?”

But Strpnkshewski wouldn’t back down: “I don’t care if they have to cancel the game and shut down the stadium. I’m cheering the way I’ve always cheered--even if I have to do it in an empty arena.

The Bulls hope that doesn’t become the case.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Lutheran Church Opposes Election

The Church Back Door


November 6, 2012 - 6:25 a.m.
The president of the Lutheran but Always Friendly Synod (LAFS) denounced today’s election in a news conference early this morning. The Rev. Rex P.L.W. Stuckworsch stated:

“I am aghast at the fact that our government is promoting election on this day--just four days before we celebrate Martin Luther’s birthday. In addition to our strong historical stance regarding predestination, our view that the government should not be involved in the free exercise of our faith must be upheld. I will be requesting congressional hearings regarding this flagrant interference of the state into matters of the church. The government has no right to declare this to be ‘election day’ before every nuance of what that really means can be sorted out.”

BREAKING NEWS 7:35 a.m.
After being informed that today’s election day has nothing to do with predestination, Rev. Stuckworsch clarified his press release statement:

“Never mind.”