Preventing the Power of Suggestion

Church Planting Series, Part twenty-two

When my wife was growing up, her older brother would sometimes get up in the morning and, in an act of brotherly antagonism, look straight at her and call her a “grump.” My wife, who was innocently watching Saturday morning cartoons, couldn’t believe what she just heard. She was most certainly not a grump! She was cheerfully watching cartoons and having a fine morning. But her brother persisted, rubbing the salt of his comment deeply into a developing wound.

After the second or third time, my wife’s ire would grow: “A grump?! I’m no grump. If anyone is grouchy it’s him! I’ll show him who’s out of sorts.”

Then she let loose. She gave him both barrels of sisterly scolding. What did her brother do? With a smirk on his face, he ran to his mother and father, told them how his sister had yelled at him, and turned to her once again and said, “See, you ARE a grump!”

The prophecy was fulfilled. Her day was ruined.

I’ve seen a similar scenario happen to pastors and church leaders. A person with an axe to grind or some emotional hurt to vent or some anger to displace lashes out: “You’re too controlling.” “You’re a weak leader.” “You’re offending everybody.” “Your ideas are too wild.”

You’ve heard it before. And when you hear the comment, the persistent drip, drip, drip, of unconstructive criticism, you get angry. You withdraw. You become depressed. And too often, you can veer into the dangerous territory of becoming exactly what you are accused of being, even though you never were what they said you are!

Be on guard, fellow servants of Christ. The ego-driven, sin-tainted-emotional reflex is a mighty force within. It’s easy to be baited into starting a war. If you have children, you know the drill.

Is there a better way? Jesus said, “To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst…If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life” (Luke 6:27-30, The Message).

Once again, Jesus opens the counter-intuitive New Life to us. Buried and raised with Him, He provides the newness of life and newness of reflex we need. Let badgering bring out the best in you. Use aggravation to practice the servant life.

How do you do this? Practice “prophecy absorption” to prevent the power of suggestion. In other words, just listen. Don’t react. Respond by reflecting what your values are, not what you think you need to fight for. Reply with a humble apology and reinforce your love and care for Jesus and for each of His people, including the person speaking to you.

I remember being lambasted for including an edgy drama in a worship service. Instead of sticking up for my right to be creative in worship and listing all the Bible verses that reinforced my point, I simply responded with an apology to the person who was hurt by the drama. I said, “As a pastor, my hope is that everything I do brings people closer to Jesus. I am very sorry that this sent you away offended and feeling badly. I value your service to the Lord and your feelings as a member of this family of faith. I humbly ask for your forgiveness.”

Some people come to Christians looking for a fight. They’ve struck gold for many years and want to see another “hypocrite” bite the dust. What if you don’t give them a fight? What if, instead, you let antagonism bring the best out of you, not the worst? What if you turn the power of suggestion into the power of transformation?